Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
