Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize