What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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