Christians are straight up FREAKS
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
