like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
