Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
