Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
