my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
