theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
