I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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