Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
