Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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