either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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