you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
