I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
