Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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