I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
