I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
