Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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