You kept calling me your small dog last night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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