Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
sex in a hospital.. check
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
