he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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