Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
