I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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