Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
