There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
