Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
