my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize