I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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