i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
