You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
