I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize