so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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