Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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