as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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