EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
