8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
