somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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