I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you would pick up someone in the library
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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