what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
