No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
