He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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