I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize