sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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