I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
