I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
