Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
