i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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