Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
