yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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