ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
