you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
