the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
