You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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