Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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