I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize