The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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