I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
