so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
