The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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