We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
