Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
