hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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