There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
