Pregnant stripper...not hot.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
