I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
