If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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