i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
There's even glitter on my cock...
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